Wondering how to pull off a Pinterest-perfect Thanksgiving this year? Then look no further than this quick-and-easy, 50-step guide to a very Instagrammable (or perhaps “authentic” is the better term) holiday:
- Wake earlier than on a typical day.
- Locate outfit that you mentally coordinated for days. Place in bathroom for after-shower wardrobe change.
- Preheat oven.
- Make coffee. All the coffee. After all, your mother-in-law is staying in the guest room for the extended weekend.
- Uncork wine. Immediately. Sample it. Twice. Wine before coffee is acceptable on holidays.
- Place turkey in preheated oven.
- Pour pony beads into small dishes.
- Place beads and pipe cleaners on dining room table for maize craft project your mother-in-law will help the kids with, while she stays out of the kitchen.
- Take another sip of wine.
- Pull cranberries from fridge.
- Instagram photo of cranberries. Don’t mention that you grabbed the last bag from the fingers of that hipster in Whole Foods when you picked up the Thanksgiving meal in a box. #blessed #organic
- Google how to prepare cranberries and hope you still have time. Don’t worry about whether or not anyone will eat them.
- Check likes on Instagram.
- Like a few posts in hopes of reciprocated likes.
- Wash down coffee with another sip of wine.
- Take store-bought mashed potatoes from fridge and place in baking dish before mother-in-law wakes up. Vow to learn how to make mashed potatoes. Add vegetable peeler to grocery list.
- Greet children and serve them marshmallow cereal for breakfast. (Focus on the feast as being their nutrition-dense meal of the day).
- Taste wine before MIL enters the kitchen and rolls her eyes at the kids’ breakfast. (Taste again when she leaves.)
- Give quick instructions on how to make maize corn decorations. Show them Pinterest picture. Answer 27 non-craft related questions and explain that screen time will come when the craft is done.
- Instagram photo of kids working on project with MIL. Position fresh flowers in background. #blessed #loveourfamily
- Check likes on previous post.
- Place store-bought apple pie in rack below turkey. Dab flour on your cheeks for authentic baker look.
- Put pre-cooked green beans in pot on stove.
- Wake husband.
- Stream Gilmore Girls on the iPad in the kitchen.
- Pause show before second episode to check on craft project.
- Explain to kids that maize should not be purple and pink. Show Pinterest picture again and remove any beads other than orange, yellow, red and brown.
- Explain to daughter that her corn is beautiful, but how about making another one with fall colors?
- Return to kitchen.
- Merge three straws into one long one. Place in wine bottle.
- Locate burning smell.
- Stir green beans.
- Dust off china and locate glasses without water spots.
- Open another bottle of wine to let it breathe.
- Check on craft project. Decide that purple and pink maize is acceptable, and Instagram. #creative #lifeisarainbow #blessed
- Set table.
- YouTube napkin-folding tutorial.
- Fold napkins into rectangles.
- Drink more wine.
- Locate new burning smell.
- Remove apple pie from oven.
- Drink more wine.
- Check temperature of turkey and remove from oven.
- Locate selfie-stick and call everyone to the table for pre-dinner photo.
- Realize you are still in your pajamas. And you haven’t showered.
- Take an overhead shot of the table.
- Post and check likes on previous pics.
- Explain that, yes, kids need to eat vegetables on holidays.
- Drink wine.
- Give thanks.
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{Photo credit: ©chandlervid85 – Fotolia.com.}
