Decisions, decisions

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Right now, more than at any other point in my life, I find myself surrounded by friends in varying life stages, especially when it comes to kids. I have a few single friends without kids. One who is contemplating her first. A few who are thinking maybe a second child is in order…at some point. One who has begun the adoption process. And a few who have decided they are done with babies.

It  has been interesting to watch each make their decisions or waffle in their indecision. I admit that when it came to both of our kids, I wasn’t sure I was ready to take the leap. With #1 I had a fear of giving up my independence. With #2, I had a fear of juggling a baby and a toddler. Somehow I have survived both…so far.

So tell us, how did you make the decision to have kids? Did you always picture yourself as a mother? Was it a surprise with no turning back? And, how did you decide to be one-and-done or a mom to more? Or have you yet to make that definitive decision?

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4 thoughts on “Decisions, decisions

  1. I always knew I would have kids, and I always knew I wanted at least 2 children. I have 3 siblings and I value them so highly, that I’ve always wanted to give my children siblings, as well. I used to want 3-4 kids…. Then we had our first. I was so shocked by how difficult motherhood was… We just recently had our 2nd, and I always knew we would, but while I still love the idea of a big family, especially once kids are older, I just don’t think I have it in me to get through the early years with any more kids. My husband feels the same. I’m not ready to definitively say NO to any more kids– we may decide 3-5 years down the line to have another, who knows. But for now, I think I’m about 90-95% sure that our 2 are enough.

    1. As always, thanks for your honesty. My husband and I always envisioned 3 kids. Then, as you experienced, the reality of life with kids (especially in the early years) set in and left us wondering, “3? Really?” I remember my mom telling me once that she had wanted a larger family. She ended up stopping at two kids. It wasn’t until I entered motherhood that I finally understood why she didn’t have more.

  2. We always set out to have 2 kids. And I always said that I would never have more than 2. I was always ready to be a mom– well before we started having kids when I was 28 yrs. old. I felt that motherhood and our first came so naturally to me. After #2 was born, I was so convinced that I was done (because I had always said I would never have more than 2!), that I sold nearly ALL of my baby items and maternity clothes. Somewhere around the time that #2 hit 2, I started getting baby fever in a bad way. I spent several months debating whether or not I really wanted another child or just had “fever.” But I kept having the thought that we weren’t done or that someone was missing from our family. That was when I knew it was more than just me being hormonal. I Also, part of it was that I felt as though I was getting the hang of managing two kids. Prior to that time, I felt like I was barely treading water with my boys. So after some conversations with my husband, I convinced him that 3 was a good number. I’m now 15 weeks pregnant with #3 and very happy about our decision.

    1. Congrats on #3! And for being able to decipher between the “fever” and a real desire to have more. That can be a tricky choice to make. I completely relate to the “barely treading water” experience. Honestly, that’s where I was with #1 when we got pregnant with #2. Actually, I was just coming out of that stage and into feeling a bit more confident. Then the test was positive and I wondered, “What was I thinking? Now we have to start all over again?” It took some time to adjust…thankfully pregnancy gives you 9 months to prepare! I did find myself treading that water again, but it was definitely worth it.

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